i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
