so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
