My friends, they love my intelligence
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
