i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
