that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
