Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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