I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
