At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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