Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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