Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Found the puke drawer
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
FUCK WHALES
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