Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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