No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
