Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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