Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just want nice things and good sex
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
