so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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