i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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