I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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