someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
