We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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