jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
