the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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