i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
