fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
