he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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