butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
