I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
