conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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