i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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