he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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