My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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