i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
