Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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