Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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