he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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