You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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