Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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