I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
