O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
