You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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