I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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