she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
