Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I enjoy the company of your penis
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
