Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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