We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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