At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
