Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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