Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
