Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
