you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
