4 words: hood of his car
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
