He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
