hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
