I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Vodka?
Forever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
