she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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