as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
