so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
