so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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