i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
