Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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