he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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