I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
