She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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