Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
