Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
