he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
