You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
